DIVORCE statistics are on the rise, several news reports highlighted recently.
This is true for those of all races and from all walks of life.
The figures compiled by the authorities are too high for comfort. Many reasons have been offered as to why the numbers are up: travails of modern life, irreconcilable differences, infidelity, drug abuse and financial problems.
But the one thing that has pushed most couples towards marital discord and disintegration, a recent study revealed, is the mother-in-law.
She is, fairly or unfairly, disdained and reviled by sons- and daughters-in-law the world over; a creature more foul than the stepmother and abominable snowman combined.
According to the National Population and Family Development Board, the meddlesome mother-in-law is the No. 1 cause of divorce in the Indian community, and one of the top three among Malays and Chinese.
The figures compiled by the authorities are too high for comfort. Many reasons have been offered as to why the numbers are up: travails of modern life, irreconcilable differences, infidelity, drug abuse and financial problems.
But the one thing that has pushed most couples towards marital discord and disintegration, a recent study revealed, is the mother-in-law.
She is, fairly or unfairly, disdained and reviled by sons- and daughters-in-law the world over; a creature more foul than the stepmother and abominable snowman combined.
According to the National Population and Family Development Board, the meddlesome mother-in-law is the No. 1 cause of divorce in the Indian community, and one of the top three among Malays and Chinese.
Mixed marriages, too, are blighted from the start because it is difficult to adapt to the religion and culture of the spouse.
At least that was what one minister said when asked to comment on actress Maya Karin's troubled marriage to schoolteacher Steven David Shorthose.
People divorce for serious, intractable reasons (spouse committing adultery with 120 women, for example), or at least they used to.
Now, "forgetting to buy food and forgetting to add sugar in the husband/wife's drink" is as good a reason as any to split.
Other petty reasons that have been cited in the past include nagging, forgetting to fill up the ice tray, not remembering birthdays and wedding anniversaries, boring pyjamas and the spouse smelling of keropok or fish crackers.
Successful marriages require superhuman effort from both sides. In today's "have it all, have it now" society, we have lost the will to keep trying to make a marriage work -- or no longer see the need to try.
People are now more individualistic, have gargantuan egos, have little respect for a harmonious coexistence and are perennially stressed, especially in the fast-paced city.
Can divorces be prevented? In some instances, they shouldn't be. In cases of abusive relationships, torture and long-term unhappiness, couples would be better off if they split.
In all other cases, and especially if there are children involved, sociologists believe it is best for the couple to work things out.
At least that was what one minister said when asked to comment on actress Maya Karin's troubled marriage to schoolteacher Steven David Shorthose.
People divorce for serious, intractable reasons (spouse committing adultery with 120 women, for example), or at least they used to.
Now, "forgetting to buy food and forgetting to add sugar in the husband/wife's drink" is as good a reason as any to split.
Other petty reasons that have been cited in the past include nagging, forgetting to fill up the ice tray, not remembering birthdays and wedding anniversaries, boring pyjamas and the spouse smelling of keropok or fish crackers.
Successful marriages require superhuman effort from both sides. In today's "have it all, have it now" society, we have lost the will to keep trying to make a marriage work -- or no longer see the need to try.
People are now more individualistic, have gargantuan egos, have little respect for a harmonious coexistence and are perennially stressed, especially in the fast-paced city.
Can divorces be prevented? In some instances, they shouldn't be. In cases of abusive relationships, torture and long-term unhappiness, couples would be better off if they split.
In all other cases, and especially if there are children involved, sociologists believe it is best for the couple to work things out.
"Every marriage has bad patches," said one. "When people stay with the marriage, very often it gets better, maybe a lot better. Among couples who stick it out, permanent marital unhappiness is surprisingly rare."
| Marital harmony may not be the goal of many people during next month’s World Cup in South Africa. |
Do what it takes. Talk to close friends, relatives and counsellors. Take out the trash. Bathe at least once a day. Notice that new hairdo/shade of lipstick/face. Learn to ask for directions. Tune in to Oprah religiously.
Or move to Terengganu. The state government has been coming up with innovative ideas to curb divorce rates.
It has invited cosmetic firms to introduce exotic and sensuous fragrances that can arouse sexual desire, and also encouraged husbands and wives to bathe together.
Consultants are also being sought to suggest the right lingerie to be worn by wives.
Couples on the brink of a breakup can apply for a holiday paid for by the state. The honeymoon package includes sun, sea, surf and counselling.
A huge contributor to marital friction is looming: the 2010 Fifa World Cup.
Emails containing tips on how to stave off divorce during that period are already circulating. One involves drafting an agreement to be signed by spouses containing "provisions" such as:
- If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor without distracting me; and,
- If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, do not say, "get over it, it's only a game". If you say that, it will only make me angrier and I will love you less.
It may have been made in jest, but is evidently something football widows around the world can relate to.
If that's what it takes to ensure marital harmony between June 11 and July 11, then that's what needs to be done.
Or move to Terengganu. The state government has been coming up with innovative ideas to curb divorce rates.
It has invited cosmetic firms to introduce exotic and sensuous fragrances that can arouse sexual desire, and also encouraged husbands and wives to bathe together.
Consultants are also being sought to suggest the right lingerie to be worn by wives.
Couples on the brink of a breakup can apply for a holiday paid for by the state. The honeymoon package includes sun, sea, surf and counselling.
A huge contributor to marital friction is looming: the 2010 Fifa World Cup.
Emails containing tips on how to stave off divorce during that period are already circulating. One involves drafting an agreement to be signed by spouses containing "provisions" such as:
- If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor without distracting me; and,
- If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, do not say, "get over it, it's only a game". If you say that, it will only make me angrier and I will love you less.
It may have been made in jest, but is evidently something football widows around the world can relate to.
If that's what it takes to ensure marital harmony between June 11 and July 11, then that's what needs to be done.
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